It’s a fun question; which Chakra do you think your relationship is mainly resonating on? Each individual has more or less activation at each chakra, it’s what makes up our personalities and is also influenced by many things such as daily activities, diet, where we live, what music we listen to and so on. Similarly, a relationship, (as it’s own entity), will have a chakra that is most activated between the couple.
The Tantric teachings suggest that an ideal relationship has a strong ‘charge’ or ‘polarity’ at as many chakra levels as possible. Polarity is created when one person in the couple has a more active charge at a chakra, and their partner has a more receptive charge. So using examples from the Chakras we’ve explored so far in previous issues; polarity at muladhara (base chakra) would be where one partner does more of the ‘looking after’ the other in terms of stability, security and basic needs, and the other partner receives this. They take and use these resources to make both of their lives beautiful, nourishing and rich. If both people bring home the resources in equal measure- that’s great, but they don’t really need each other- there is not a lot of charge at this level.
At the level of Svadistana (sexual chakra), strong polarity would be where one person is generally more sensual, flirty, sexy, even ‘showy’ for the other’s pleasure and the other person responds to them and enjoys them. If both are wanting to always be ‘seen’ by the other, then both are vying for each other’s attention. We ideally want a partnership with some juicy polarity at each chakra, but with each person being more active / receptive at different levels. (ie. if one person is more active on all chakras it will feel unbalanced, you want a mix).
Polarity at the level of Manipura is where one person is more of the ‘boss’ and the other follows. OH! What a triggering thing to say about a relationship in 2020. But when this is explicit in a healthy relationship with a deep sense of trust- it can work really well! The couple can laugh about it, decisions are not argued about and choices are made easily about what direction the couple take. This can only be done healthily if the person with the more active polarity on Manipura fully takes into account the wishes, dreams, desires and preferences of their partner who has the more receptive Manipura, and when the couple has a shared vision.
Manipura chakra is about power, control, confidence, will, purpose and courage. Many couples have issues at this level when there is a lack of trust and limited polarity. The relationship becomes a power struggle, a tug of war that leaves each dissatisfied. When both people in a couple have a strong activation on Manipura, you have a ‘power couple’. Go-getters that hold each other up and bring out the best in each other. They celebrate each other and make regular announcements about their achievements and their life together. Finally when Manipura is strong in one person but not harmonious, you can have one person dominating the other in the form of nagging, criticising, controlling and even emotional and other forms of abusive behaviours.
Tantra and relationship work can support individuals and couples to grow and develop at the level of every chakra and to settle into a natural polarity that serves both people. Eventually, each individually in a partnership would have lots of activation and arousal at every chakra, both in the chakra’s active (masculine) and receptive (feminine) sides. Then when life calls for certain things- it’s available! But in their relationship, each person has a role that really provides space for the other to thrive. In the meantime, what wonderful practice ground relationships are for personal, sexual and spiritual growth.